We were going to call this one "Solicitation Mistaken for Help", but this is snappier. This occurs when a given character needs help (a place to stay, a way to de-stress, whatever), is approached by a prostitute who speaks with perhaps too much metaphor and euphemism, and thinks her solicitation is an offer for platonic assistance.
Usually Played for Laughs, but if the gal in question is a Hooker with a Heart of Gold, our hero may have just found a useful ally.
See also Platonic Prostitution and Accidental Innuendo. Sub-Trope of Comically Missing the Point. Not to be confused with "Need a hand? A job? A handjob?"
Examples
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Comics
- Happens in an issue of The Simpsons comics when Abraham is changing out of his "El Grampo" disguise in a phonebooth and has trouble getting his boots off. Might we add that he is dressed only in boots at that point.
Abe Simpson: Can you give me a tug, ma'am?Patty Bouvier: Not if you were the last man on Earth, Methuselah.
Films — Live-Action
- In i am sam, Sam, a mentally handicapped single father, mistakes a streetwalker's mockery for a promise to help him raise his daughter. He is then arrested for soliciting her services.
- Reversed in the movie The House Bunny. The policeman asks the Bunny to "blow" and... well... she doesn't quite understand that he's trying to check her alcohol content.
- "Crocodile" Dundee does this. Then he knocks out the pimp when he insults the lady's honor.
Simone: You looking for a good time?
Mick: Always looking for a good time! Name's Mick Dundee. - In Into the Night, one coworker tells another that in Las Vegas there's a certain hooker who will do anything you ask for a certain price. The coworker, who knows what he's talking about but isn't really interested, responds "Will she buy me a pony?" in Sarcasm Mode.
- Played with in The Birdcage. Politician Gene Hackman needs to leave a building without the press recognizing him, so he's dressed in drag. He runs past his chauffeur and whispers "Meet me around the corner in ten minutes!" and leaves. The chauffeur shakes his head and says "Never in a million years, lady."
- Inverted in Bedazzled. Satan takes the form of a human woman and attempts to talk "business" with a lonely man. She wants to make a Deal with the Devil, but the man initially mistakes this as a proposition for sex.
- In the softcore Young Lady Chatterley II, Cynthia's lesbian masseuse gives her hand relief when she gets a bit too excited describing the perfect lover she's seeking (though the masseuse doesn't look happy at hearing that "manly" is one of the attributes). Cynthia is a bit confused when the masseuse asks afterwards how her shoulder is (what she originally came there for).
Jokes
- There's old joke where a clergyman encounters a prostitute, she says "I'll do anything you can describe in 3 words for $50". He thinks about it for a while, and then says "Paint my house."
- In one of his books, critic Joe Queenan's response to a (hypothetical) request of this nature was "do my taxes."
- Chris Rock used a variant set-up, which was 'For $300 I'll do anything you want', to which he responds 'Bitch, paint my house'.
- A guy gets sent on a business trip to Boston. His boss knows the guy likes fish and he says that they don't make scrod anywhere as good as they make it in Boston—"Don't leave Boston until you try the scrod!" They guy flies into Logan Airport and as he gets into a cab he remembers what his boss said. He asks the cabbie "Hey, buddy—where's the best place to get scrod around here?" The cabbie thought for a second and said, "You know, I've been driving this cab for three years now and I must have heard that question a thousand times, but that's the first time anyone's asked it in the pluperfect subjunctive."note
Literature
- Discworld: Used to happen to men who approach the Guild of Seamstresses to have their socks darned. Eventually the Guild hired some non-euphemistic seamstresses to take care of that kind of request (plus it allows men to get their socks darned while they "get their socks darned").
- In Guards! Guards!, a naive Carrot ends up living in a house of "seamstresses" due to this sort of misunderstanding. He mentions that his first night there one of the girls asked if he wanted anything, but they had no apples, so he said no. The madam encourages him to stay, since she's essentially getting full time security out of the deal.
- Variant: In Feet of Clay, one character mentions that she was good at sewing, so she tried to join the Guild of Seamstresses.
- Similarly, in Night Watch, there is an actual seamstress who is often confused for the other type. "To avoid confusion, let us say she's a needlewoman."
- In Reaper Man, Windle Poons, a newly resurrected zombie, is asked by a "seamstress" if he's looking for a good time. He's somewhat addled by the fact that he can see and hear clearly for the first time in decades, and accepts her offer without thinking about it. She runs away when she gets a good look at him, though.
- In Interesting Times, Rincewind is approached by several beautiful, scantily-clad women who explicitly say that all of their men have died out and they need his help repopulating their island. However, due to years of living alone on a desert island, Rincewind's mind has deteriorated somewhat and he thinks they're offering to make him some mashed potatoes. To be fair, they did promise him they'd satisfy all his desires, and at that moment, Rincewind happened to desire potatoes, having lived off coconuts and fish for far too long.
Live-Action TV
- Breaking Bad: Inverted in "The Cat's in the Bag..." when Hank (mistakenly) thinks that Walter Jr. is smoking pot, thus taking him to observe a meth-addicted prostitute working out of a decrepit motel to demonstrate the dangers of drug use. The prostitute misunderstands the situation, and thinks that Hank is trying to arrange a sexual encounter between her and Walter Jr.
- ReGenesis: Bob Melnikov, while in New York, goes in a back street to rehearse a speech he's about to give. A prostitute approaches him, and he doesn't understand for what reason. Fortunately for him, she's a Hooker with a Heart of Gold, and she does help him get over his stage fright.
- My Name Is Earl in the antique silverware episode. Randy was told to wait around the station and ask people if they had "the stuff"; a gay guy misinterprets this.
- The inverse happens on CSI, when during her evaluation Catherine complains to Grissom that because of her hours, she hasn't had sex in at least half a year. "How can I help?" Gil asks, and has to clarify that he doesn't mean THAT kind of help when Catherine raises her eyebrow at him.
- A possible slight variation — in New Tricks, a prostitute approaches Brian and asks him if "you've got the time," in a fashion that leaves little doubt as to what she really means. Brian, however, assumes she's literally asking what the time is, and proceeds to tell her, resulting in a frustrating back and forth for the both of them until he storms off in exasperation and she gripes to one of her friends, "Why can't they just say if they're gay?!"
- My Wife and Kids had a variation when the family goes to Las Vegas. Junior calls an escort service because he thought that it was a babysitter.
- Frasier stops to give a woman standing in the rain a ride home, and he doesn't realise she (or technically he) is a hooker until just before he's stopped by the cops. Turns out it's just a paranoid prediction of what might happen, since his good deeds have been backfiring a lot recently, but he rejects it and gives the woman a lift anyway.
- In another episode, two characters talk about hiring a babysitter. One urges the other to carefully read the ads, because an ad's stating "has toys and willing to spank" doesn't means it's for a babysitter.
- Another episode has Niles upset because his ad for his practice misprinted "Jung specialist" as "Hung specialist", making the followup "Servicing individuals, couples, groups. Satisfaction guaranteed. Tell me where it hurts!" especially irritating.
- Inverted in the first episode of Northern Exposure, where Joel mistakenly believes Maggie to be a prostitute based on her offers of help. She does not react well to this, of course.
Maggie: I'm not a hooker, you jerk. I'm your landlord.
- A hilarious subversion of this happens to Mateo in Benidorm. Mateo has to dress up in drag for a double date, and has to wait outside a bar for a few minuites. An undercover cop shows up, asking if s/he has a place to go. A lot of non-entendres later ("I have to get out of these pants" (They were itchy)), and he is promptly arrested.
- Three's Company: Mr. Furley is arrested for solicitation when he pays a girl three dollars for information to help him find Cindy.
- The Sketch Show: Discussed and invoked in a sketch where a man approaches a streetwalker, rejects her offer of "company", and then rather bluntly asks for sex. His annoying obfuscation eventually causes the hooker to walk off.
Karen: Say if I were to point you in the right direction with my hand, that would be 30, if I were to give you oral directions, that would be 60 pounds, and if I were to take you all the way to your destination, that would be 80.Lee: And how much would it be for sex?Karen: Get lost.
- A variation happens to one of the main attorneys on L.A. Law when he's at a restaurant and an attractive young woman (an undercover cop) he talks to in order to get help dealing with the unfamiliar menu items arrests him for soliciting a prostitute when he was simply trying to get help with the menu. In a later episode he successfully defends himself against the charge when the transcript makes it clear he was innocent and results in the judge admonishing the police over their failure to recognize that from the start.
Video Games
- In Fallout 3, one of the joinable NPCs is Clover, an insane killer prostitute that you can own as a slave. When you strike up a conversation, she asks if she "can do anything for... or to... you." Sadly your responses are entirely on the lines of tactics and gear management.
Web Comics
- Get Medieval: Asher, lost in medieval Avignon, has a girl come to him and offer him "a warm bed to spend the night in". Being a clueless nerd, he considers it an invitation to sleep at her place. The trope is subverted at a later stage, as when they meet again in different circumstances, she does offer her help.
- In RPG World, as explained in strip 12
, this is how Diane ends up joining the party.
- This page of Rob and Elliot is a magnificent subversion. a Bathroom Stall Graffiti says to call a specific number "for a good time", The guy actually calls, and turns out the one who put it up was a burly man, Gilligan Cut to them hang gliding and the man telling him he's the first to call.
Web Original
- Played with in Episode 3 of Manwhores when a woman pulls up to Kevin, newly starting out his career:
Kevin: "You... uh, looking for a jump?"
Woman: "Depends on what kind you mean."
Kevin: "The, uh, sexual kind of course—unless, uh your car's actually broken. My car's right over there"
Woman: "What I need, I can't get from jumper cables."
Kevin: "Well I happen to not have any."
Woman: "Get in." - On Not Always Right spinoff Not Always Learning, a Japanese exchange student fails to realize the purpose of "ads on TV telling you to call them if it’s late at night and you want to chat to someone" and takes it as an example of American friendliness.
Western Animation
- The Simpsons: Subverted in the episode "The Cartridge Family". When Marge takes Bart, Lisa and Maggie to a motel because Homer is acting Trigger-Happy, Bart is asked by a prostitute "are you looking for a good time?" He is (as always), but not in the manner she means, and Marge pulls him away before any hilarity can ensue.
- The pilot episode of The Venture Bros. has a prostitute asking Hank and Dean if they're looking for some action. Being rather sheltered boy adventurers, they reply that they're always looking for action! And adventure!
